My Little Heart

I've got a pretty hard job.

Harder than most.

I know, I know. Everyone complains about their job.

But I'm different.

You see, I work in a lab that specializes in one thing.

Neuro-simulated science.

What's that, you're wondering?

Well, my associates and I watch over a specimen that is stuck within a simulated universe.

These specimens are kept within a small casing located on a broad table. I know what you might be thinking, "you're playing God!" And you're damn right.

I hate this shit.

I don't think what we do is ethical and when I first showed up here as an intern, I thought it was something much more humane than this.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my job for the benefits. I've been here 3 months and love that, but I just think there could be a better way of handling something like this. The specimen that we watch over is in no way aware of the world being digitized. They are raised in there from birth, or so they've told me. All, with small involvement from any outside forces, for they could ruin the examination.

"I just wanted to thank you all for your involvement with this prestigious achievement, our organization would not be where it is today without your help. Today, we will continue to study the female subject. Remember, our goal is to analyze, not chastise."

I break from the speech to return to my daily quarters.

I look at the table and then head to the computer to zoom in on her.

She's a tall dark-haired woman with an hourglass figure.

Her cheeks are rose red and her face is slim with innocence.

She was apparently born and placed in the simulated town's library, which houses thousands of books from my actual town. But, I'm sure they also seemed like fiction to her.

Every morning, she gets up from her small house and stares out the window in the nude. Her body is healthy for someone literally in captivity. Her chest and back are the perfect size.

She rises and washes her body like any other normal person might. She diligently wipes every part of herself as if she always had somewhere important to be.

After getting dressed, she always liked to walk to this veranda and she'd just sit down and smoke. As she blew gas around her face, she'd just stare at the sky, like she saw me staring back.

I know what I'm doing is wrong. But goddammit I feel like I know her.

Jasmine.

Or, at least that's the name I made for her.

Ever since I started working here, I've had dreams about her. Dreams that I'd break her out and finally get to be with her. But that's just wishful thinking. I'd never had that type of opportunity.

I look up and see one of my co-workers typing on a computer.

"Hey, um, I was just wondering, what would actually happen if someone were to tell Jas-, the specimen, the truth?"

"She'd probably have a heart attack immediately," he says as if we were conversing over coffee.

Later, we always have a quick meeting regarding any discrepancies we may have run into. The meeting is always led by my boss, the same guy that gives us speeches at the start of the day... Robert Coleson.

"Okay team, we seem to have an issue with one of the neuro implants on the subject. For whatever reason, it has begun to destabilize, which interferes with our reception of her condition."

"What actions would you suggest, sir," someone politely asks.

"Well, it would help if we could replace the receptor remotely, but this task may be more difficult than that."

I stand up almost immediately.

"I'll do it."

Everyone stares in my direction.

"And what are you volunteering yourself for exactly?"

"I'll go inside to replace the receptor."

"We don't normally do things such as that. It is deemed far too risky."

"I know sir, but I can be in and out quickly before the specimen realizes. I know her schedule like clockwork."

"Very well. I'll allow you this chance, but be vigilant, this is a very important experiment and we cannot afford to be seen."

"I won't let anyone down, sir."

This is my chance.

I can finally see you.

I can finally touch your soft skin.

Hear your soft voice.

I will get you out of there.

We will be together.

I prepare myself by wearing a suit that will allow my body safe travel into the simulated world.

"Are you ready to go," the lead scientist asks.

"Send me down."

He presses on his keyboard and the next thing I know, I'm spiraling down this tunnel, seemingly growing smaller.

I hit the ground with a thud.

I recognize where I am as soon as I come to.

It's her backyard.

I get up and walk up to the door. I peek through the windows and don't see her there. A cloud of smoke waves in the distance, past the house.

The veranda!

I jog toward the open space. Everything in the town is in the right place.

It's almost scary.

I hide behind a bush, as I stare up at Jasmine.

I move behind the building and climb through the back door.

There she is.

The digital sun gleams down on her soft, almond skin. Her body beckons me even more so than it has before.

As she continues to puff on a cigarette, the smoke wears her clothes, like a coat.

She's wearing that dress again.

I slowly approach her, but I step on a single leaf.

Shit.

She slowly turns around, and I see the glistening in her eyes. It's not a look of surprise. Or, even concern.

"I won't hurt you," I say as I throw my hands up.

She does a small snicker and turns back around, staring at the sky.

"So there are more."

"Look," I fall on my knees.

"This is going to be hard to explain, but this place is..."

"Not real? A figment?"

"H-how did you know?"

"It was...the sky. The fucking sky."

"What about it?"

"All the books I read described the sky as something rotating. Something bright. Something gray. But this sky just sits. It has no mission, no goal."

"I've spent all my time watching you from above. I-I have to get you out of here."

"There's nowhere you can take me," she says as she puts out her cigarette.

I get up, slowly.

"Why do you say that?"

She rises and faces me, as she walks seductively toward me.

She walks behind me and places her hands on my shoulders.

She comes closer to my right ear. And her voice changes to that of a familiar one...Coleson.

"Because this is your new home."

I jump forward, pushing her, it, off me.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Usually, we have to think of millions of plans to get new hires down here, but it was easier for you."

"What is going on? Where is she, the real her?"

"Suicide."

My eyes turn glossy.

"The specimen you fell in love with used to be a woman, a new hire, just like you. But we found out a way to get her here as well. It's always the same."

"B-but she was here from birth."

He laughs maniacally.

"You actually believed that bullshit? Oh, heavens no, that would be unethical. What we do is examine humans in a world created by man. Maybe you'll begin to accept this new order. Become a part of the daily humdrum until you forget."

"No."

"Or maybe you'll succumb to your failures. Like... (the voice changes).... me."

He pretends to shoot himself through her mouth and laughs.

Tears swallow my face whole as I hit the ground with my knees.

"Don't leave me. Please."

"The lowly spectator becomes the panoramic view."

He, she, it, fades away, becoming dust in the wind.

I crawl to the veranda and stare at the sky.

Yeah, my job is hard.

Harder than most...